Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Pants are for mortals
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
