So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
