just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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