Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
