i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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