mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
