tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
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Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
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We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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