ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
