Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
