New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
