Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
