You really coming over, don't trick.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
