Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
