didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
