census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Panties = found
Randomize