one might say we're banned from that church
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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