i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So many bounce houses so little time
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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