I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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