nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
