i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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