We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
