Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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