I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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