If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
