you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
