Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
