This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I DEMAND FORESKIN
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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