how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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