you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
