he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
