It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
