Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
