I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
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All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
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My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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