u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
look no pants
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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