It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
