The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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