he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I want a musical about memes.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
