my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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