if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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