I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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