The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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