i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
