You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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