haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
