I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
