I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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