Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
