Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
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I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
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I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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