she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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