I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
