God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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