And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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