I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
