He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
