hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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