Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
