I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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