it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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