My friends, they love my intelligence
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
