Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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