So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
