Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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