my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I skipped work to stalk him.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
