you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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