I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Someone shit on the floor
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
