Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
