I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
