Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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