First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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