your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
