The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize