Buhtt sex?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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