my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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