oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
