I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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